Your anxious child

Sunday, 6 September 2009

Is it normal for my grade-schooler to feel anxious?

Anxiety is a normal part of a child's behavioral and emotional development. And the older she gets, the broader her concerns become. In the early elementary years, kids often worry about school, getting along with classmates, and pleasing their parents. If your child feels she's failing at any of these, she may feel anxious. She may also react to family stress — divorce, financial troubles, illness — or issues unfolding in the world-at-large. And although it's difficult to watch your child worry, it's important to note that it's normal. In many instances, anxiety has some benefits, like keeping kids alert to their world. Anxiety can encourage positive action to deal and cope with the challenges of daily life.
Are there certain kinds of anxiety common to 6- to 8-year-olds?


Absolutely. Below is a quick explanation of some of the most common:

Common fears. Six- to 8-year-olds often worry about things they've seen, done and not enjoyed, heard about from friends, studied at school, or learned about in the media. Those fears can run the gamut from shots at the doctor's office to vampires, meteors, and clowns, to an episode of The X-Files that she watched without your consent. A tornado drill at school, for example, can blossom into a fear of natural disasters. Likewise, a child may develop a fear of flying after hearing about an airplane crash on the evening news. Certain phobias are common as well, such as a fear of spiders, heights, or germs. Some children are afraid of the water, others become phobic about dogs if they've been bit or growled at.


Social anxiety. The social demands of elementary school can be challenging. Having a fight with a friend, or trying to find someone to play with at recess or someone to eat with at lunch can all cause anxiety in kids at this age.

School avoidance. If your child whines, complains repeatedly of a stomachache, and begs to skip school, it probably means she is avoiding something or someone. It might be a classmate who's been teasing her or a subject at school that frightens her — or maybe a fire safety program is coming up, which she would prefer to skip.
What can I do?

When your child becomes anxious, follow your instincts and comfort her. But don't stop there. Find ways to help your child overcome her fears and worries. These tips may help:

Talk it out. Some of your child's fears are entirely normal, and denying them would be unrealistic. Grade-schoolers, for example, may be concerned because they're not mastering their schoolwork as quickly as others. Emphasize that each child learns at her own pace, and let her know that as long as she makes her best effort, neither you nor she should be disappointed.

Write it down. A simple and private way for your child to work through anxiety is to give her a journal — or if she's not proficient yet at writing, a sketchpad — to record her worries, through words or pictures. This can be particularly helpful for the child who is reluctant to discuss her anxieties. Keeping a journal can also be cathartic for a grade-schooler who doesn't realize she worries about the same things repeatedly — losing her soccer match or fighting with friends — and needs to get some perspective on her troubles.

Lower your expectations. Your anxious child may be trying to tell you that she's overloaded — that the demands of friends, school, music lessons, and sports have mushroomed out of control. Consider whether you've overbooked your child's time with too many extracurricular activities or chores. You might ask her how she'd like to lighten her load. Maybe, for instance, Girl Scouts could wait until next year.

Use humor. Laughter goes a long way toward lessening anxiety. If your child is worrying about, say, an upcoming violin recital, tell her the old trick of imagining the audience in their underwear. Funny stories put things in perspective, and if she learns to laugh, those awkward moments won't seem so awful.
When should I seek professional help?

For most kids, worrying is a manageable fact of life. But for some out-of-control anxiety can become a major stumbling block. Talk to your pediatrician if your child's anxieties interfere with family activities, prevent her from making friends, become an excuse to stay home from school, disrupt sleep, result in compulsive behavior, or cause physical symptoms. If necessary, your doctor can refer you to a family counselor or child psychiatrist.