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How To Get Pregnant Fast

2009-09-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

So, you want to know how to get pregnant fast. Since there are only a few days each month when you have a chance to conceive, it's understandable that you'd want to maximize your chances each month. The thing is, if you want to know how to get pregnant fast, you need to have some understanding about the average time it takes most women to

become pregnant.

Among most women, there is a genuine lack of awareness about what the odds are each month for conception, and how long it should typically take to get pregnant, barring any medical problems.

It's not surprising, really, as most of the information women get about pregnancy throughout the years, is how to avoid it.

I dug up this information in an easy to follow chart format, to make things a little clearer.

Odds of getting pregnant in a given month, by age:
* early 20s: up to 25 percent
* late 20s and early 30s: up to 15 percent
* late 30s: up to 10 percent
* over 40: less than 5%

Number of women who achieve pregnancy within the first year of trying, by age:

* early 20s: 94 percent
* late 20s and early 30s: 70-85 percent
* late 30s: 65-70 percent

Average number of months to conception, by age:

* early 20s: 4-5 months
* late 20s: 5-7 months
* early 30s: 7-10 months
* late 30s: 10-12 months

So you see, even women in their twenties, in the prime of their fertility, only have a 25% chance of conceiving in a given month. These are women who are at peak fertility, and yet each month they have a 75% chance of NOT getting pregnant. If you're in your 30's or 40's the odds go down even more. And this is perfectly normal.

So, even though you may not get pregnant quite as fast as you would like, it's most important to do everything you can to improve your fertility so that it won't take any longer than necessary. Begin by avoiding some of the most common mistakes almost everyone makes when trying to get pregnant.

Tips for relief of pregnancy-related discomfort

2009-09-13T17:52:00.002-07:00

Nausea and vomiting
These symptoms are common, especially at the beginning of pregnancy.

* Plan light and more frequent meals.
* Do not eat solid and liquid foods at the same time. Drinks should be taken a half-hour before or after the meal.
* Avoid fatty foods, fried foods, sauces, and hot spices.
* Have breakfast 15 minutes before getting up to offset morning sickness.

Heartburn
This symptom often occurs toward the end of pregnancy. It is caused by the pressure of the baby against the mother's stomach.

* Eat light and more frequent meals.
* Eat in the evening, at least 2 hours before going to bed.
* Avoid fatty foods, coffee and cola drinks.

Flatulence

* Avoid foods with a fermentative effect, such as cabbage, leeks, garlic, onions, and legumes.
* Drink tap water or non-carbonated mineral water.
* Eat slowly and in peace and quiet.

Constipation
Intestinal movement is slowed during pregnancy, and this may result in, or worsen, digestive disorders.

* Drink at least 1.5 liters (3¼ pints) of fluids per day (water, herbal tea, fruit juice, milk).
* Eat fiber-rich food: whole-grain bread, vegetables, fruit, legumes.
* Drink a glass of cold water when you get up in the morning, and eat dried fruits (prunes).

Edema
This swelling of the legs, arms, and sometimes the face are due to water retention.
Do not go without salt except in special cases.

* Drink 1.5 liters (3¼ pints) daily

Food cravings for Pregnant Women

* Maintain a regular schedule of meals.
* Take small snacks between meals consisting of fruit, milk, yogurt, bread with cottage cheese, or whey.

Food Poisoning/g-i infections: toxoplasmosis, listeriosis
Some infections have serious effects on the embryo, but they can be prevented by observing the rules of hygiene.

* Always carefully peel and wash raw vegetables, fruit, and herbs (parsley, basil).
* Always wash your hands carefully before cooking, eating, after you have handled raw meat, or have touched sand or soil.
* Eat only well-cooked meat. Avoid tartar steak, fried sausage, meat fondue, rare steak, carpaccio.
* Avoid cats and their litter, as toxoplasmosis pathogens propagate in the cats' intestines.
* Do not eat uncooked fish, meat, milk, and eggs.
* Do not eat cheese rind.

Alcohol
Consumption of alcohol during pregnancy should be avoided if possible, as it affects the physical and mental development of the fetus. The risk of injury is particularly high in the early months.

Caffeine
Caffeine is found in coffee, black tea, cola drinks, energy drinks, and cocoa (chocolate) as well as other foods. It has a stimulating effect and therefore speeds up the heart rate. Caffeine in the blood of a pregnant woman affects the heartbeat of the baby, which almost doubles. Pregnant women may take two cups of coffee or four cups of tea a day without endangering the fetus.

Tobacco
With each inhalation from a cigarette, nicotine enters the mother's circulatory system and also that of the fetus through the placenta. The blood vessels contract and the oxygen supply of the fetus is compromised. For this reason, tobacco is contraindicated during pregnancy (and this includes secondhand smoke).

Recommendations
Eat three meals daily plus small snacks. Don't skip breakfast.
Consume 3 or 4 portions of milk products daily.
Avoid weight-loss diets.
Avoid alcohol and tobacco, take coffee in moderation.

Energy and nutritional requirements

2009-09-13T17:52:00.001-07:00

The pregnant mother's body is subject to greater demands to ensure fetal development as well as the growth, health and functioning of the uterus, placenta and amniotic fluid. A daily increase of 150 calories in food consumption is recommended at the start of pregnancy, which will eventually reach an extra 250 calories a day by the end of pregnancy. This entails a "double-shot" in the form of a daily glass of milk during the first trimester and an additional piece of fruit or slice of bread during the final six months.

While weight gain is normal, the mother-to-be should not let herself starting "eating for two" (or more). The average weight gained is between 9 and 12 kg (20 to 26 lbs), although there is a natural variation between individuals. With overweight women, it may be less, while thinner women may gain more.

An additional intake of 10 g (1/3 ounce) of protein a day during the entire pregnancy is recommended to build up, maintain, and regenerate body tissue in both the fetus and mother. This daily ration of 70 g (2½ oz) of protein is guaranteed with our current nutritional recommendations. Glucose, the basic stuff of carbohydrates, is the main source of energy drawn on by the fetus. A daily intake of carbohydrates in the form of bread, pasta, or fruit is needed for a problem-free pregnancy. Fats with essential fatty acids are critical for the development and functioning of the baby's nervous system.

Food recommendations for pregnant women

2009-09-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

Many factors affect our eating behavior: individual needs and wants, health status, social environment, selection of available foods, advertising, etc. The following recommendations ( a sort of Nutrition Guide for Pregnant Women) ensure (in the form of a balanced diet) an adequate supply of energy, and nutritional and protective elements, and therefore represent healthy nutrition. The listed amounts and portions are averages; it is no possible to follow them exactly day by day.
Words in italics are especially important for

the mother-to-be.

Oils and Fats during Pregnancy:
Daily consumption: 2 teaspoons (10 g) nutritious vegetable oil such as sunflower oil, thistle oil, corn oil, unprocessed olive or canola oil, e.g., for salad dressings.
Daily consumption: at most 2 teaspoons (10 g) grease or cooking oil, such as peanut oil, or olive oil for hot meal preparation.
Daily consumption: at most 2 teaspoons (10 g) spread, i.e., butter or margarine.
Daily maximum: one meal heavy in fat such as deep fried or breaded foods, cheese dishes, fried potato cakes, bratwurst or hot dogs, cold cuts, dishes with sauces, shortcake or pastry dough, cake, pies, chocolate, etc.

Pastries/Snacks:
Use them in moderation - most sweets contain hidden fat. At most eat 1 small portion of sweet snacks daily (e.g. 1 chocolate bar, 1 piece of cake or a pastry, an ice cream).

Meat, Fish, Eggs, Legumes:
2 - 4 times per week: 1 portion meat (1 portion = 80-120 g, or 3-4 oz). More is unnecessary, less is permitted. At most, one meal of cured meats such as ham, sausage or bacon in place of meat.
At most, one meal per month of offal, such as kidney, tripe, or brains (1 portion = 80-120 g, or 3-4 oz).

Avoid liver:
1-2 portions fish per week (1 portion = 100-120 g, or 3½ -4 oz).
2-3 eggs per week, including those used in baked goods, soufflés, or cream sauces.

They should be cooked to avoid food poisoning:
Per week: 1-2 portions legumes and derivates e.g., lentils, chickpeas, beans (1 portion = 40-60 g, or 1½ -2 oz, dry weight), tofu (1 portion = 100-120 g, or 3½ -4 oz)

Milk and Milk products:
Per day: 3-4 portions of milk products (1 portion = 0.2 liter or ½ pint of milk, or 1 cup of yogurt, or 30 g= 1 oz hard cheese or 60 g = 2 oz soft cheese).

Grain Products and Potatoes:
Daily consumption: eat 3-4 portions of starchy foods such as bread, potatoes, rice, cereals or pastas, preferably whole-grain products. The portion size depends on the frequency and amount of physical activity practiced.

Fruits for Pregnant Women:
Per day: 2-3 portions of fruit, raw if at all possible (1 portion = 1 apple, 1 banana, 3 plums or a bowl of berries).

Vegetables for Pregnant Women:
Per day: 2-3 portions of vegetables, one of which should be raw, e.g., as a dip vegetable or a mixed salad (1 portion = 100 g = 3½ oz raw vegetables, or 150-200 g = 5-7 oz cooked vegetables, 50 g = 1¾ oz green salad or 100 g = 3½ oz mixed salad).

Alcoholic and Nonalcoholic Drinks:
Drink at least 1.5 liters (3¼ pints) of liquid per day, preferably unsweetened nonalcoholic drinks.
Replace fluids in the case of vomiting, diarrhea, or heavy perspiration.
Alcohol: for her own benefit and that of her unborn child, the pregnant mother should avoid alcohol consumption, as it is assimilated by the fetus.

By following these recommendations for correct nutrition for pregnant women, you'll ensure the health and proper development of your baby.

Is it okay to diet before trying to conceive?

2009-09-08T17:35:00.001-07:00

Expert Answers
Bridget Swinney, nutritionist

Yes. Your chances of conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy are greater if you're close to your ideal weight. Being overweight can cause abnormal menstrual cycles, which can lead to infertility. Overweight women are also more likely to have pregnancy complications such as hypertension and diabetes and more difficult deliveries.

It's best to stay away from popular diet plans that eliminate certain foods or food groups (like carbohydrates). Low-carb diets work for many people, but diets that cut out milk products, fruit, and vegetables can rob your body of many important vitamins and nutrients that you need to sustain a healthy pregnancy.

A better diet would be one that concentrates on "good" carbs such as whole-grain breads, pastas, and brown rice. Also include plenty of lean protein (such as fish, chicken, and lean cuts of meat), as well as fruits, vegetables, and low-fat dairy products such as milk, yogurt, or cheese. The whole grains in your diet can make you feel full, as will drinking plenty of water.

A registered dietitian can help you design a diet that's right for you. (Check the American Dietetic Association's Web site for help finding a dietitian in your area.)

Here are a few guidelines to keep in mind as you try to reach a healthy body weight before you get pregnant:

* Pay attention to what you eat. Your daily diet should include: five or more servings of grains/starches (including at least three whole grains), 2 cups of fruit and 2 and a half cups of vegetables (be sure to include a variety, such as dark green and starchy vegetables, orange and vitamin C-rich fruits, as well as dried beans and legumes), 5 to 6 ounces of lean protein from a variety of sources (fish, beans, poultry, meat, pork, eggs, nuts), three or more servings of dairy or calcium-rich foods (milk, cheese, yogurt), 6 teaspoons of added vegetable fat from canola oil or olive oil, or products made with these oils. (Try to avoid trans fat, the "bad" fat found in many fried and fast foods.)

* Be active! Exercising tones your muscles, builds strength, and helps your body burn more calories — even when you're sleeping. Exercise also promotes strong bones and helps ensure that your weight loss isn't from the loss of muscle tissue.

Aim for 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous activity on most days of the week, even if you have to split that time into several sessions. Pick activities you like — hiking, bicycling, swimming, gardening, dancing, or weight training. Remember that once you lose the weight, exercise is still important for keeping the weight off.

* Aim to lose about 1 to 2 pounds a week. This will help guarantee that you're losing fat. Losing much more than a couple of pounds a week can mean you're losing fluid and burning muscle mass instead of fat.

* Remember that if a diet sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Stick with a sensible eating plan and regular exercise to achieve a healthy body weight.

How much folic acid should I take while trying to get pregnant?

2009-09-08T17:34:00.000-07:00

Expert Answers
Jill Stovsky, exercise physiologist and dietician

The recommended daily intake of folic acid for all women of childbearing age is at least 400 micrograms (mcg), or 0.4 milligrams (mg). Taking folic acid for at least one month before conception reduces the risk of neural-tube defects, such as spina bifida, by up to 70 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

During pregnancy, the recommended dose jumps to 600 to 800 mcg, or 0.6 to 0.8 mg. Of course, some women's needs are different. If you have a family history of neural-tube defects, you should probably get 4,000 mcg (4 mg) of folic acid a day. Talk to your doctor about how much you need before and after you conceive.

You can buy folic acid supplements at the drugstore or you can just take a prenatal or regular multivitamin. If you do take a multivitamin, make sure it doesn't contain more than the recommended daily allowance of 770 mcg RAE (2,565 IU) of vitamin A unless it's all in the form of beta-carotene. (Getting too much of a certain kind of vitamin A can cause birth defects.) If you're unsure what to take, ask your healthcare provider to recommend a supplement for you.

Folic acid is a water-soluble vitamin, so your body will flush out the excess if you consume too much. For some women, however, getting too much folate may hide a B-12 deficiency, which is sometimes a problem for vegetarians. Ask your doctor or midwife if you think you may be at risk.

Be sure to take our folic acid quiz to find out more about this essential nutrient.

Can some foods increase our chances of conceiving?

2009-09-08T17:33:00.002-07:00

Expert Answers
Bridget Swinney, nutritionist

Beliefs about the wondrous powers of so-called fertility foods such as shark's fin, camel's hump, ginseng, pine nuts, prunes, or even chocolate date to early civilizations. Unfortunately, most are pure fiction. Many are based on the simplistic notion that eating foods that look like sexual organs, such as figs or eggs, will help those organs function better. Also, no evidence proves the theory that eating spicy foods can increase sexual potency by raising your blood pressure and pulse rate.

There's some scientific proof that eating oysters can boost fertility. Oysters are packed with zinc, which plays a role in semen and testosterone production in men, and in ovulation and fertility in women. That doesn't mean you should down a plate of oysters on the half shell at every meal. Maintaining the recommended dietary allowance of zinc (9 mg a day) can help keep your reproductive system working properly, but excessive amounts of zinc (or any nutrient for that matter) will not turn either of you into a babymaking machine. In fact, super-high doses of vitamins and minerals may actually reduce your fertility

Can herbal supplements boost my chances of getting pregnant?

2009-09-08T17:33:00.001-07:00

Expert Answers
Helen Kim, reproductive endocrinologist

The verdict is still out on this one. Although there have been some small, promising studies, there simply isn't enough definitive research to say for sure that herbs can help you get pregnant. And there's one important cautionary caveat to keep in mind: Some of the herbs that have been linked to increased fertility may pose a risk to your unborn child if you do become pregnant.

A team of researchers at Stanford University studied an herbal supplement called Fertility Blend to see if it would help women who were having a tough time getting pregnant. The supplement contains chasteberry (an herb thought to improve ovulation and hormonal imbalance), L-arginine (an amino acid that improves circulation to the reproductive organs), green tea extract, and a host of vitamins and minerals.

In the study, published in the April 2004 issue of the Journal of Reproductive Medicine, a third of the 15 women taking the supplement were pregnant after five months, while none of the 15 women taking a placebo had conceived.

The researchers point specifically to chasteberry as a key player when it comes to boosting fertility. But the study is too small to say for sure that the herbal blend improves fertility.

A follow-up study published in the Journal of Women's Health in May 2005 included a much larger group of 93 women. The women in this study did not experience an increase in pregnancy rates, but they did show a tendency to have more regular menstrual cycles, which can certainly aid in conception.

Other small German studies suggest that chasteberry can help regulate imbalances in reproductive hormones and ovulation, and that black cohosh stimulates egg production. But once again, there are no large, well-controlled studies on these herbs to say they'll really give you the boost you need to conceive.

If you do want to try an herbal supplement, be sure to check with your healthcare provider first. Some of the herbs that have been linked to fertility — chasteberry and vitex, in particular — are contraindicated during pregnancy and lactation.

The Web site for Fertility Blend, the supplement studied, recommends discontinuing the supplement as soon as your pregnancy is verified. And since the Food and Drug Administration doesn't regulate herbs, you can't be sure of the exact dose you're getting.

Finally, just because herbs are natural doesn't mean they don't have potential side effects and drug interactions that you should be aware of. For example, researchers recommend against using a fertility-boosting supplement blend if you are also taking fertility drugs, as the herbs might interfere or interact with the medication.

If you're under 35 and have been trying for about a year without conceiving (or three to six months if you're 35 or older), your best bet is to see a fertility specialist.

Besides taking vitamins, what other nutrients do I need before I get pregnant?

2009-09-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

I plan to begin trying to conceive in four to five months. Besides taking my prenatal vitamin, what other nutritional guidelines should I follow?

Expert Answers
Bridget Swinney, nutritionist

Start by paying more attention to what you eat, because your overall nutritional status can affect your hormones and your ability to get pregnant. Many women find it helpful to keep a food diary to help them keep on track.

As you focus on making healthy food choices, make an effort to follow the new U.S. Dietary Guidelines and include these foods in your daily diet:

• Five or more servings of grains and starches, including at least three whole grains

• 2 cups of fruits and 2 and a half cups of vegetables (be sure to include a variety, such as dark green and starchy vegetables, orange and vitamin C-rich fruits, as well as dried beans and legumes)

• 5 to 6 ounces of lean protein from a variety of sources such as fish, poultry, meat, pork, eggs, beans, and legumes. (Limit fish to 12 ounces per week.)

• Three servings of dairy or calcium-rich foods (milk, cheese, yogurt)

• 6 teaspoons of added vegetable fat from healthy vegetable sources like canola, olive, flaxseed, or nut oil, or products made with these oils. Avocados and olives are other sources of healthy fats. (Try to avoid trans fat, the "bad" fat found in many fried and fast foods.)

Here's an example of how to incorporate these foods into a daily menu (modified from a menu in my book Eating Expectantly, Meadowbrook Press, 2001):

Breakfast

• Raisin bran cereal with fresh blueberries and milk

• Whole-wheat toast with jam

Snack

• Apple slices

Lunch

• Spinach salad with dried raspberries and grated cheese with vinaigrette dressing

• Grilled chicken sandwich or veggie burger with mushrooms, lettuce, and tomato

• 1 cup vegetable or tomato juice

Before-dinner "mocktail" hour

• Mimosa Mocktail: ½ cup fresh squeezed orange juice with a large splash of club soda. Serve over crushed ice in a chilled martini glass with fresh mint and an orange slice

• Serve with: pistachios and cashews, red pepper slices, carrot sticks, and ranch dip

Dinner

• Poached salmon

• Steamed asparagus with lemon

• Whole-grain roll with soft canola oil margarine

• Oven-roasted potatoes with olive oil and rosemary

• Fresh mango

• Milk

Before bed

• Steamed milk with hazelnut flavoring

What I wish I'd known about postpartum weight and body image

2009-09-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

What I wish I'd known about losing baby weight

"Don't go on fad diets. As a new mother you have enough stress in your life — you don't need to add the strain and mood swings of a yo-yo diet."

"Tell friends and family the best way to support you is to help you get some gym time! Emotionally, it'll do wonders for you, too. I ended up losing more weight than I had gained and love my body now more than at any other point in my life."

"You don't have to give up everything you like or exercise seven days a week to lose weight. Little things make a difference — so take the stairs, cut back on take-out, switch from white breads to whole grains, and so forth. Don't try to make life changes all at once, as it can be too stressful. Start walking this week, cut out white bread the next week, take your lunch to work the following week; whatever it takes to get used to the changes without overwhelming yourself."

"I discovered that my baby loves to bounce, so I do a lot of deep squats while holding her — it does a good job of firming up my thighs and rear!"

"Don't drink your calories. For instance, eat an orange instead of drinking a glass of orange juice. You'll get fiber and it will fill you up more."

"I drank water every time I craved a soda. I lost a lot of weight and was less awake at night, so I slept better, too."

"Learn what emotions trigger overeating for you — stress, fatigue, or depression — and learn how to deal with them without food."

"Meet a friend at the mall and walk around for an hour or more instead of sitting and having a coffee."

"I hated exercising before I had kids, but now I've discovered that the more I exercise, the better I feel, and the better I'm able to deal with the stresses of being a mom. Once it became a routine for me, I actually wanted to go to the gym. My pregnancy weight disappeared and then some, and I look better one year after having a baby than I looked before I got pregnant!"

"I found it really hard to motivate myself to lose those last pounds, so I initiated a 'biggest loser' contest at work recently. It was what I needed to make me start watching my food intake and exercising regularly."

"If you start an exercise regimen, start slow and build. Nothing can stop you quicker or make you hate exercise more than overexerting yourself too soon."

"For inspiration to eat healthy, just remember that whatever you are eating is exactly what you are feeding your baby if you're breastfeeding."

"Keep moving! I keep my diaper pail upstairs in the baby's nursery even though I do most diaper changes downstairs."

"Once your baby starts to sit up by herself and hold objects, make sure you get active, too — get down on the floor and play with her, chase her around when she gets more mobile, crawl, jump up and down, and so on — you get exercise while teaching her physical tricks."

"Simply cutting back on sugar and only eating when I'm hungry has helped me shed pounds very quickly. And exercise is key — I go out after the kids are sleeping for a walk or jog and it helps me de-stress."

"Don't start working out until you are mentally ready for the challenge. Taking care of a newborn is fatiguing, and attempting to lose the weight before you're truly ready will ultimately fail. Do it when you're ready, not when everyone else thinks you should do it."

"Don't cut calories too much. After my second pregnancy I ate only 1,100 calories a day while nursing, and it left me depressed, shaky and not in good health. I'd love to lose the weight from my fourth pregnancy immediately, but now I know that it's better to lose a little at a time."

"Get all the junk food and soda (including diet soda — water is better) out of the house. Make a list of things to do or low-cal things to eat if you feel the urge to snack."

"When winter hit, I checked out workout videos from the library for free. Once I found the one that was the most effective I bought it so I could do it every day!"

"While nursing, it's easy to get caught up in the idea that you need a lot of extra calories to produce enough milk. You do need a few extra calories, but they do not have to be milkshakes, candy bars, and other unhealthy 'quick calories.' It is important to get enough food, but it's also important for it to be food that is healthy for your body."

"Carrying my son around everywhere has really helped me lose the weight. We didn't use a stroller until he was 20 pounds, and my arms look great and my back and legs feel much stronger. We also took long walks every night before dinner — 45 minutes or so. It was a great way to connect as a family."

"If you can afford it, buy a gym membership that includes childcare — and use it. Beyond helping me lose weight, working out has greatly improved my self-esteem, energy levels, and overall mood, even when I am sleep deprived. I only wish I had joined sooner than I did!"

"Do something that is physical but fun for you. I don't like the gym scene, so I do construction and stage managing at my local theater. I'm constantly moving around, and I'm slowly losing the weight."

"Someone told me that it would be easy to lose weight after the baby was born, since I was breastfeeding. I was supposedly burning an extra 500 calories a day. However, I discovered I was hungry all the time — therefore countering the 500 calories. So now I've started an aerobic and weight program six days a week and cut my sugar intake. That is working!"

"After you stop nursing, it's possible to gain weight back. The nursing helped me burn extra calories, but once I stopped, I gained five pounds instantly! I am still trying to lose those five pounds."

"It takes time to wean your body from the cycle of eating more calories than you normally would because of pregnancy and nursing."

"Just like it took months to gain the weight, it can take months to lose it. All I heard was stories from my mother's friends about how they went home from the hospital in their pre-pregnancy jeans, and it made me feel awful. It took me eight months to lose it with my first pregnancy. I know now that it will eventually come off, and I don't worry quite so much about it."

"I thought that breastfeeding would be the magic solution for postpartum weight loss. It seemed to be for friends of mine, who were fitting back into their former wardrobe after only a month or two. My baby is 13 weeks old, and I still have at least ten more pounds to lose. I've started exercising, and it seems to be helping. I just had unrealistic expectations about how long it would take."

"After having a baby, it's impossible for your body to be exactly what it was before, but it can still look really, really great and in some ways even better!"

What I wish I'd known about dressing my postpartum body

"Try a new style of clothing. I always bought the same kinds of jeans, but with this new belly, I started trying on different styles and found two new styles that I never would have thought would flatter my shape. Every time I wear them, I get compliments!"

"If you wear clothing that you look your best in, you will feel good about your new shape. I wear pants with loose elastic waists and shirts that flare at the bottom. No one sees that I'm in elastic, the flared shirt hides the mommy fluff in my middle, and the length of the shirt reveals the bottom of my buttocks, thus giving the sense of a curvy woman."

"The thrift store is a great place to shop for transition clothes. Get a few outfits that fit you now and make you feel good about yourself."

"When you've weaned the little one, find a good bra fitter, get fitted (you'll be surprised!), invest in some good bras, and just lift those babies back up every morning. It will change your whole outlook, foxy mamas!"

"Buy something that accentuates your best feature. If it's your feet — buy shoes."

What I wish I'd known about body image

"Love yourself. A mother's body is an amazing place. After all, it is where the world began."

"Try not to focus on the weight you've gained. Instead, think about how cool it is that your body is capable of creating life. You can lose the weight. For many people it naturally falls off in the few months after the birth. If it doesn't, you will have to work harder, but you can do it. If you hear negative comments or start feeling bad about yourself, just keep telling yourself it's because you had a baby, and almost every woman has to deal with the changes. People realize that and still think you look beautiful."

"If you're having trouble with a negative self-image, make a little style change. I was very down about my weight and new shape, but then took out my frustration by dying my hair. Just that small change made me feel so much better about myself!"

"Having a baby put my priorities in perspective. I definitely wanted to be a healthy mom, but I didn't care as much about being skinny because it looked good. I think about my daughter and what a heartbreak it would be to me if she didn't think she was beautiful because of her body type. I want to set a good example."

"If you were on bedrest, cut yourself some extra slack when it comes to regaining your pre-baby figure. You have to regain all your lost muscle mass."

"If your friends or family make mean comments, ask them, 'Did you really mean to tell me that I look fat? That's pretty rude. ' I think sometimes people don't realize how awful their comments sound until you say them back."

"I've never seen a grave marker that said 'She looked great in her bikini after giving birth to three kids.' Being thin is not what being a family is all about. The important thing is to be healthy for yourself and your family, to have a good body image (and teach that to your kids as well), and to be a good and loving mother. You can lose the weight, but if you don't, know that your weight doesn't define who you are."

"Nothing stays the same after you have a baby — not your relationship with your partner, not your body, not your approach to anything. It's a lot to take in, especially if this is your first time. Go easy on yourself. Remember, you just made a whole human being. Put it in perspective. Be proud!"

"If a man makes a negative comment about your body, tell him he can chastise you about your weight only after he's been pregnant for 40 weeks, bled for six, had a little mouth contort his nipple into an ungodly shape, and experienced childbirth.

Pregnant and underweight: How to get the nutrients you need

2009-09-08T08:09:00.000-07:00

How much weight should I gain if I started off my pregnancy underweight?

Most women who start off their pregnancies underweight are advised to gain between 28 and 40 pounds — a bit more than the recommendation of 25 to 35 pounds for an average woman. However, your doctor or midwife may make different recommendations based on your individual situation, particularly if you have a history of eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

Not sure if you were underweight before getting pregnant? View a body mass index (BMI) chart to find out. You're considered underweight if you have a BMI of less than 18.5.

Does being underweight pose any risks to me or my baby?

"An expectant mom who is deficient in some key nutrients puts her baby at risk for serious birth defects," says Heidi Reichenberger, a registered dietician and spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. For instance, if your diet doesn't provide you with at least 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid, or folate, your baby is at an increased risk for being born with a neural tube defect such as spina bifida. During pregnancy you should be getting between 600 and 800 mcg of folic acid daily. Foods including beans and legumes, spinach, asparagus, and orange juice are all rich in folic acid. And many breakfast cereals and breads are now
fortified with folic acid. Other dietary shortcomings, from vitamins such as A, E, K, and B2, and the minerals iron, copper, calcium and zinc, have been linked to a range of medical problems, including anemia in mothers and impaired brain function in babies.

If you don't gain enough weight during pregnancy, you also risk giving birth prematurely. But even if they're not premature, babies who are born to moms who gain too little weight are often considered "small-for-gestational-age" (SGA) meaning they may have been malnourished during pregnancy. This condition puts them at risk for a host of problems later in life, including eating disorders.

How can I make sure I stick to a sensible diet?

If you're not sure you can stick to a healthy diet on your own, a registered dietician can help you come up with a sensible meal plan and even provide you with simple recipes that include the foods rich in the vitamins and minerals that are essential to a healthy baby. (Ask your healthcare provider for a recommendation or find a dietitian in your area.)

"Women who are underweight tend to consume a lot of low-calorie foods, like lettuce, and small servings of the other foods they eat," says Reichenberger. What they should be doing is eating vitamin- and nutrient-packed foods that contain some healthy fat rather than going fat-free with everything.

"During pregnancy underweight women usually need more protein," she says. (Reichenberger recommends this protein-packed snack: two slices of whole wheat toast slathered with peanut butter and a layer of sliced bananas, plus a glass of milk.)

Ideally the bulk of your nourishment will come from whole foods, but a vitamin/mineral supplement can help make up for some shortcomings; your doctor or midwife will probably recommend you start taking one as soon as you find out you're pregnant, if not before.

Here are four easy ways to get more calories:

• Eat breakfast every day. Add some peanut butter or a slice of cheese to your morning toast for an extra protein boost.

• Add a couple of slices of avocado and a handful of nuts or seeds to your salads for extra protein and (good) fat.

• Eat two or three snacks between meals. Choose foods like yogurt (for protein and calcium), dried fruits (for vitamins, minerals, and fiber) or a fruit and yogurt smoothie (for protein, calcium, vitamins and minerals).

• Replace soda with juices that are high in vitamin C or beta carotene, an antioxidant. Grapefruit juice, orange juice and papaya nectar are rich in C; apricot nectar and carrot juice have lots of beta carotene.

Your pregnancy food diary

2009-09-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Keeping a food diary may sound like a hassle, but you'll be amazed at how easy it is to get a real look at your eating patterns in just a few days, and make changes for the better.

Simply print out our food diary template (you'll need Adobe Reader to view and print it), fold it up in your purse, and jot down what you eat during the day. We guarantee it will be eye-opening, and very helpful in setting you on the road to better pregnancy nutrition.

Some basic guidelines

• Write as you eat. Don't depend on your memory at the end of the day — or worse, the end of the week.

• Write it all down. Keep the diary in your bag and write down everything you eat or drink, from a can of soda to a handful of pretzels from your co-worker's desk. Those "little eats" are easiest to forget, but they can make a big impact on health.

• Be specific. Indicate whether there's mayo on your bread, cheese on your burger, or crackers in your soup.

• Be honest. No one's judging you on this — it's for your eyes only — so don't worry about trying to look like a more healthy eater.

Daily recommendations

To help your baby grow and feed your body during pregnancy, you need a variety of important nutrients. Among these are protein, fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and vitamins and minerals such as calcium, iron, vitamin C, and folic acid. Read our chart of important nutrients and their food sources to help you pick the right foods for your daily intake.

You also need at least six to eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day. Find out how water really benefits you during pregnancy.

Your week in review

At the end of the week, take a look at your diary. What eating habits can you now see? How often did you eat when you weren't that hungry, or because your mood was low? Did you manage to check off all the items in the nutrient checklist? Did you get in some exercise at least a few days a week?

Ask yourself what you did well this week, and what you'd like to improve. Then write down your goals for next week: what you might do more or less of, do differently — or do just the same!

Pregnant and underweight: How to get the nutrients you need

2009-09-07T02:32:00.001-07:00

What I wish I'd known about postpartum weight and body image

2009-09-07T02:30:00.002-07:00

Your Child's Changing Body

2009-09-07T02:30:00.001-07:00

Although the month-to-month pace of growth is less rapid in the preschool years, compared with your child's first two years, the end result is much the same: A remarkably different looking person emerges.

How much do they grow?
Children gain an average of 2.5 to 3 inches in height and 3 to 5 pounds in weight each year during this phase. Two-year-olds tend to grow the most, adding an average 4 to 6 pounds, and, incredibly, by 2 1/2 years, a child typically reaches 50 percent of his adult height. No child grows in a perfectly linear fashion, though, so this growth may come in little spurts.
Genetics and lifestyle play a big role, which is why your child may be shorter or taller, or heavier or leaner, than other kids the same age.

How they shape up
Until age 3, a toddler-like shape prevails: thicker middle, protruding belly, and relatively short arms and legs. At ages 3 and 4, the body gradually gets longer. The belly flattens as abdominal muscles form and limbs lengthen and more resemble an older child's proportions.

Boys tend to have more muscle mass than girls, even at this age.

By 4, your child's preference for the left or right hand will be fairly consistent.

The head is nearly adult-sized, but because the body is not, the head appears disproportionately large. Facial features continue to mature, too.

What's going on inside
One helpful internal change: The bladder gets bigger! That means a preschooler doesn't need to use the toilet as often as he did as a toddler. On average, a 2-year-old urinates 12 times per day, while a 3- to 6-year-old does so eight to nine times per day and can stay dry for several hours.

Fifteen to 20 percent of boys still wet the bed at night at age 5, however, for reasons that are still unclear but may have something to do with genetic influence and family history.

When and how to find out if you're carrying twins or more

2009-09-07T02:29:00.001-07:00

How and when will I learn whether I'm carrying twins or more?

Several decades ago, most women who were pregnant with multiples didn't find out until they were in labor. But such late-term surprises are rare today. Women typically discover they're having more than one baby during a routine ultrasound, often in the first trimester.

Your practitioner will likely recommend an ultrasound in your first trimester if you're unusually large for your gestation date. The most likely explanation is that you or your practitioner miscalculated your conception date. The ultrasound will help determine how far along you really are and whether your size is due to your carrying more than one baby.

If you're pregnant as a result of a fertility treatment such as Clomid, gonadotropins, or in vitro fertilization (IVF), you'll probably have an ultrasound within the first eight weeks to count the number of embryos that have implanted. Ultrasound is almost foolproof at revealing multiple pregnancies, particularly after six to eight weeks. However, the more babies you're carrying, the easier it is for one to get overlooked.

How do twins end up fraternal or identical?

Fraternal twins develop from two eggs that are released and fertilized at the same time. They're known as dizygotic (DZ). Identical twins develop from one egg that splits into two and are thus known as monozygotic (MZ).

By the way, since they come from the same egg, monozygotic twins do share the same DNA, but these so-called "identical" twins are never truly the same. Although they have the same genetic makeup, they may have distinguishing characteristics that allow their parents to tell them apart. This may be due to environmental influences, either inside or outside the womb. Also, certain genes may end up being expressed differently in each twin.

How and when can I find out whether my babies are DZ or MZ?

Prenatal tests such as chorionic villus sampling (CVS) and amniocentesis can tell you for sure — at least in theory. These tests can be tricky to perform in multiples, and you may not be able to get a sample of each baby's DNA.

If you can't or don't want to have these tests, an ultrasound can often tell you whether your babies are dizygotic or monozygotic, based on whether there are one or two placentas and whether the babies are the same gender.

An experienced technician performing a trans-vaginal ultrasound between 9 and 14 weeks can determine with nearly 100 percent certainty whether your babies share a single placenta. (The accuracy rate drops to about 90 percent in the second trimester as the womb becomes more crowded.)

If your babies share a placenta, they're monozygotic. If there are two placentas, your twins may be DZ or MZ. All dyzygotic twins and 20 to 30 percent of monozygotic twins have separate placentas.

By 18 to 20 weeks, a technician may be able to identify the babies' genders, assuming that both babies are positioned so that the technician can get a good look at their genitals. If an ultrasound clearly shows that you have a boy and a girl, you'll know that your babies are dizygotic. Monozygotic twins are nearly always the same sex.

If the ultrasound shows two placentas and only one gender — or if the results are unclear — you may have to wait until your babies are born for your answer. After the birth, your practitioner will determine whether the twins shared a placenta. Because separate placentas sometimes fuse together and appear as one, a laboratory test may be needed to tell how many there were.

If placental analysis doesn't solve the mystery, you can order an at-home DNA test for a little over $100, but you'll have to wait one or two weeks for the results. As mentioned above, monozygotic twins will have almost always have identical DNA, while dizygotic twins will share about 50 percent of their DNA.

As your babies grow up, it'll probably be easy to tell what type of twins they are just by looking at them. If they look so much alike that other people can't tell them apart, they're almost certainly monozygotic. Any obvious difference in their hair color, eye color, or facial features means that they're dizygotic.

Why is it important to know whether twins are dizygotic or monozygotic?

Finding out whether twins are DZ or MZ isn't simply a matter of satisfying idle curiosity. It can also be important to know for medical reasons.

For one thing, monozygotic twins who share a single placenta face a special health risk during pregnancy. Up to 15 percent of these twins will develop twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS), a dangerous condition in which one twin "donates" fluids to the other. The twin on the receiving end tends to grow more rapidly than the donor twin.

Without treatment, the condition is usually fatal for both babies. If your twins are sharing a placenta, your caregiver will monitor their weight gain and watch for other signs of TTTS. If your caregiver suspects TTTS, prompt treatment may prevent complications and keep your babies healthy.

Even after your babies have grown up, it could be important to know whether they're dizygotic or monozygotic. For example, if one twin is found to have a genetic disease, an MZ sibling will have it, too. A DZ sibling, on the other hand, might be spared.

There's one more reason to find out whether your twins are fraternal or identical: Everyone will ask — from friends and relatives to strangers on the street. People are fascinated by twins, so be prepared to answer the question over and over again throughout your pregnancy and for years to come.

Your pregnancy food diary

2009-09-07T02:28:00.001-07:00

Keeping a food diary may sound like a hassle, but you'll be amazed at how easy it is to get a real look at your eating patterns in just a few days, and make changes for the better.

Simply print out our food diary template (you'll need Adobe Reader to view and print it), fold it up in your purse, and jot down what you eat during the day. We guarantee it will be eye-opening, and very helpful in setting you on the road to better pregnancy nutrition.

Some basic guidelines

• Write as you eat. Don't depend on your memory at the end of the day — or worse, the end of the week.

• Write it all down. Keep the diary in your bag and write down everything you eat or drink, from a can of soda to a handful of pretzels from your co-worker's desk. Those "little eats" are easiest to forget, but they can make a big impact on health.

• Be specific. Indicate whether there's mayo on your bread, cheese on your burger, or crackers in your soup.

• Be honest. No one's judging you on this — it's for your eyes only — so don't worry about trying to look like a more healthy eater.
Daily recommendations

To help your baby grow and feed your body during pregnancy, you need a variety of important nutrients. Among these are protein, fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and vitamins and minerals such as calcium, iron, vitamin C, and folic acid. Read our chart of important nutrients and their food sources to help you pick the right foods for your daily intake.

You also need at least six to eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day. Find out how water really benefits you during pregnancy.

Your week in review

At the end of the week, take a look at your diary. What eating habits can you now see? How often did you eat when you weren't that hungry, or because your mood was low? Did you manage to check off all the items in the nutrient checklist? Did you get in some exercise at least a few days a week?

Ask yourself what you did well this week, and what you'd like to improve. Then write down your goals for next week: what you might do more or less of, do differently — or do just the same!

Your Child's Growing Brain

2009-09-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

Your child's brain directs and programs the growth of everything in the body. Thanks to explosive advances in neuroscience and technical equipment that lets scientists actually see inside the human brain, we know a great deal about how this central organ develops.
How the brain sizes up
Most of the brain's wiring is established during the first few years of life. At birth it was only about a quarter of its eventual adult size. But by age 2, it has reached three-fourths of adult size! And by 5, the brain will be very close to adult size and volume.

Of course, this doesn't mean your child knows everything a grown-up does by kindergarten. Experience still counts for something!

What this growth means is that the structures of the brain involved in learning, memory, motor control, and every other brain function have been established by age 5. These structures and the neural pathways that send information between them get used and reused throughout life.

These connections, called synapses, are the basis of all the movements, thoughts, memories, and feelings a person has.
Encouraging brain development
No two brains are identical, not even in identical twins. Exactly what kind of connections are made between the neurons (cells) in the brain depends on how the brain is used, the variety and richness of circumstances it's exposed to, and genetics.

In the first year of life, when critical emotional components of the brain are being formed, a secure and predictable environment is most important, including lots of touching and having needs met promptly.

Also key to brain development in the first three years are being talked to, being played with, and having a varied, stimulating environment — balanced by opportunities to rest, which is when the brain reorganizes itself.

These very simple but vital things set the stage for all later learning.
Making strong connections
Surprisingly, the brain of a 2-year-old has trillions of connections — double the number that an adult has! The brain grows connections in response to all kinds of input in order to adapt and survive. Over time, certain connections are used again and again while others fall by the wayside.

This normal process, called neural pruning, explains why it's easiest for a child to learn the precise accent of a language while very young. If the brain isn't exposed to that language regularly, certain synapses wither away and the brain is no longer able to hear or form certain sounds as easily. Neural pruning also explains why routine and repetition are so important to a young child. They facilitate learning and help the brain understand what's important.

Although most brain development occurs during the first three years of life, the school years continue to foster a beehive of busy, buzzing neurons. It's easy for children to learn, especially from about age 3 to age 6 — not just academics, but social rules, dinosaurs' complex names, how to play sports and games, directions, how to work gadgets, what goes where.

The impulse control and judgment parts of the brain, however, develop later in the school years and aren't completely activated until after adolescence.

Your anxious child

2009-09-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

Is it normal for my grade-schooler to feel anxious?

Anxiety is a normal part of a child's behavioral and emotional development. And the older she gets, the broader her concerns become. In the early elementary years, kids often worry about school, getting along with classmates, and pleasing their parents. If your child feels she's failing at any of these, she may feel anxious. She may also react to family stress — divorce, financial troubles, illness — or issues unfolding in the world-at-large. And although it's difficult to watch your child worry, it's important to note that it's normal. In many instances, anxiety has some benefits, like keeping kids alert to their world. Anxiety can encourage positive action to deal and cope with the challenges of daily life.
Are there certain kinds of anxiety common to 6- to 8-year-olds?

Absolutely. Below is a quick explanation of some of the most common:

Common fears. Six- to 8-year-olds often worry about things they've seen, done and not enjoyed, heard about from friends, studied at school, or learned about in the media. Those fears can run the gamut from shots at the doctor's office to vampires, meteors, and clowns, to an episode of The X-Files that she watched without your consent. A tornado drill at school, for example, can blossom into a fear of natural disasters. Likewise, a child may develop a fear of flying after hearing about an airplane crash on the evening news. Certain phobias are common as well, such as a fear of spiders, heights, or germs. Some children are afraid of the water, others become phobic about dogs if they've been bit or growled at.

Social anxiety. The social demands of elementary school can be challenging. Having a fight with a friend, or trying to find someone to play with at recess or someone to eat with at lunch can all cause anxiety in kids at this age.

School avoidance. If your child whines, complains repeatedly of a stomachache, and begs to skip school, it probably means she is avoiding something or someone. It might be a classmate who's been teasing her or a subject at school that frightens her — or maybe a fire safety program is coming up, which she would prefer to skip.
What can I do?

When your child becomes anxious, follow your instincts and comfort her. But don't stop there. Find ways to help your child overcome her fears and worries. These tips may help:

Talk it out. Some of your child's fears are entirely normal, and denying them would be unrealistic. Grade-schoolers, for example, may be concerned because they're not mastering their schoolwork as quickly as others. Emphasize that each child learns at her own pace, and let her know that as long as she makes her best effort, neither you nor she should be disappointed.

Write it down. A simple and private way for your child to work through anxiety is to give her a journal — or if she's not proficient yet at writing, a sketchpad — to record her worries, through words or pictures. This can be particularly helpful for the child who is reluctant to discuss her anxieties. Keeping a journal can also be cathartic for a grade-schooler who doesn't realize she worries about the same things repeatedly — losing her soccer match or fighting with friends — and needs to get some perspective on her troubles.

Lower your expectations. Your anxious child may be trying to tell you that she's overloaded — that the demands of friends, school, music lessons, and sports have mushroomed out of control. Consider whether you've overbooked your child's time with too many extracurricular activities or chores. You might ask her how she'd like to lighten her load. Maybe, for instance, Girl Scouts could wait until next year.

Use humor. Laughter goes a long way toward lessening anxiety. If your child is worrying about, say, an upcoming violin recital, tell her the old trick of imagining the audience in their underwear. Funny stories put things in perspective, and if she learns to laugh, those awkward moments won't seem so awful.
When should I seek professional help?

For most kids, worrying is a manageable fact of life. But for some out-of-control anxiety can become a major stumbling block. Talk to your pediatrician if your child's anxieties interfere with family activities, prevent her from making friends, become an excuse to stay home from school, disrupt sleep, result in compulsive behavior, or cause physical symptoms. If necessary, your doctor can refer you to a family counselor or child psychiatrist.

Weaning tips from moms who've been there

2009-09-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

Gradually cutting back the number of times you breastfeed during the day is the weaning method of choice for experienced BabyCenter moms. Not only did a slow approach help stave off the breast engorgement and depression that can accompany early or abrupt weaning, but it made the transition to a bottle or cup an easy one.

While some moms had no problem nursing a toddler through a second pregnancy, many found the physical demands too much and opted to wean at that time. Teething prompted others to start cutting back on nursing. What wasn't recommended? Going cold turkey. In fact, those who tried it swore they'd never do it again.

Here are weaning strategies sent in by members of the BabyCenter community. We hope they'll help you with your own weaning decisions.

Snack vs. breast

I nursed for almost 12 months and started weaning around 11, by dropping a feeding out every few days until the evening meal was the last one left. I replaced it with a snack and whole milk before his bath and stories. Then after reading a few books, I rocked him and sang to him for a few minutes before placing him in his crib.
—Maria

I weaned my baby at 10 months and it was really easy. I just started giving him a cup with some juice at snacktime, and a bottle instead of nursing once a day. Then I increased the bottle to twice a day, and so on, until he was completely off the breast.
—Jennifer
Let your child lead the way

In spite of my mother telling me that it was "embarrassing" for me to still be nursing my son at 18 months, I let him tell me when he wanted to wean and at what pace. We got down to just twice a day for a month or so. He was finally completely weaned at 20 months. I didn't even realize he was weaned until one day it dawned on me that he hadn't nursed for almost a full week. No emotional trauma, no engorged breasts. Just a happy and loving end to a very special relationship.
—Maridee

I'm still nursing my 22-month-old. He's been drinking out of a cup for over a year and eats a wide variety of solid food. The breast is mainly a comfort thing. People tell me I should wean him, but I'm in no hurry and neither is he. He'll probably be weaned by the time he's 2, but if not, that's okay.
— Rachel

Change bedtime routines

My then 26-month-old daughter Elise's favorite time to nurse was at night, right before bed. Instead of nursing, I read to her from her favorite books. She would then drink her milk, and snuggle into the pillows ready for sleep. It took a few weeks to get her used to the routine — and some crying — but we learned to bond in a different way.
—Jackie

Introduce the cup

I started giving my son a cup periodically at about 6 months. When I stopped breastfeeding him at about a year, he was so used to the cup that he didn't even care that I'd stopped nursing him.
—Tina

A few months before my son's second birthday, he and I shopped for a special cup. He picked out a red one with a built-in straw. I began to substitute a cup of warm water for the breast and let him choose the times to give up nursing. He still uses his special red cup for his bedside water and we still cuddle in my bed every morning.

Avoid familiar nursing positions and places

When I became pregnant, my son was 19 months old. I started to cut down the feedings gradually until it was mainly at nap time and bedtime. As I became more pregnant, my breasts became tender and breastfeeding painful so I had to stop. I avoided getting into our favorite nursing positions and places so as not to trigger any breastfeeding associations.
—Jessica

Take it slow

I weaned my youngest gradually when she was 13 months old. First, for about a week, we substituted one nursing session for a sippy with cow's milk around lunchtime. Then we substituted a sippy for another feeding until we were down to two feedings a day, before nap and before bed. After a couple of weeks we were nursing before bed only. Then I cut the duration of the nursing sessions. We started with five minutes on each side. Then went to four minutes on each side for four days, three minutes for three days, and so on until, on the last day, we nursed for one minute on each side. By this time my daughter was ready to quit and I didn't have any engorgement!
— Heather

Tricks for the family bed

I weaned my daughter just shy of her second birthday. When she woke in the middle of the night, I would just hold her until she drifted back to sleep when she realized there would be no "nursy." I kept a cup of milk ready for her when she woke up in the morning, then we read, read, read until she got used to this pattern and not nursing. Bedtime was tough. I would just say no, Mommy has no more milk or I'd let her dad take her to bed and I stayed away until she drifted off.
—Cindy

A recipe for weaning

Here's a gentle weaning method to try: Finely chop a clove of garlic. Put chopped garlic and a tablespoon of olive oil in a small bowl. Let this sit for a few hours. Strain out the garlic. The oil should have a strong garlic odor. Put the oil on nipples. (You may want to protect your bra with a nursing pad.) My 2-year-old would ask to nurse and then tell me I was stinky and refuse. She'd check a few times a day, and lo and behold I was still smelly. I reapplied twice a day for about four days and then she stopped asking. We cuddled and read a lot of books during the transition time. There were no tears. I'm happy I nursed her as long as I did, but I was ready to wean!

Pros and cons of going cold turkey

I weaned my son on his first birthday because I thought that's what I was "supposed" to do. It was terrible! Neither one of us was ready to wean. The night I stopped nursing I was so engorged, and he was a screaming mess. Our lives were upside-down for weeks. With my next two children, I let them decide when to wean and it's been a much more pleasant experience.
—Terry

My son was 2 years and 8 months old when I stopped nursing cold turkey. I just told him my milk was all gone and he accepted it. This was after almost two years of doing everything else I could think of to wean him from nursing.
— Bambi

I had to wean my 24-month-old suddenly because I'm taking some medications that pass through breast milk. We had given him boxes of organic vanilla milk when we traveled, and he always liked it. So I bought a case and explained that he could not nurse because of the medicine. He cried hard the first night, but Dad got him to sleep. Now he reminds me to take my medicine and we cuddle a lot during the day. Only go cold turkey if you absolutely have to. I know it would be easier on both of us if we'd had the time to gradually wean.

Definition of Kama Sutra

2009-09-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

The Kama Sutra – it sets our minds to fantasy and wonderment about the possibilities of sexual eroticism and adventure. It’s a buzzword for sexual pleasure and enjoyment and we all want more of that. Almost everyone has heard of the Kama Sutra. "Kama" means all things pleasurable, such as sexuality and sensuality, but it also encompasses eating, gaming, cultural activities and activities with friends and family. Kama is the name of the Indian God that represents the procreative, sexual nature in man, much like Eros did to the Greeks. "Sutra" means a short book of sayings or aphorisms. Thus the Kama Sutra is an ancient manual of love and relationship. The Kama Sutra is most often associated with the sexual acts and sexual positions. It does an exemplary job at this, however, that's not all it offers.

It is believed that today’s version of the Kama Sutra was compiled and put into written form from a rich tradition of oral history. Written in Sanskrit by a man named Vatsyayana, its structure appears as poetry and verse. The descriptions of the positions are short and to the point, as if they were reminders to the couple rather than detailed instruction. Sutras likely were taught as oral poetry.

The Kama Sutra details kissing techniques, courting practices, modes of touching including very detailed biting and scratching techniques, sexual positions or asanas, how to find, court and treat marriage partners as well as consorts, the ‘jobs’ of the husband and wife, the concocting of aphrodisiacs, and much more. It also goes into the specific finer points of the Sixty-Four Arts.

In addition to the Sixty-Four sexual arts there are Sixty-Four cultural arts. Men, and especially women, were encouraged to become good at as many of these ‘arts’ as possible. These include music, singing, sciences, lovemaking, homemaking, poetry, dance, shooting of the bow and arrow, conversation, sewing, art, games, magic, chemistry, perfumery, and rituals. Attention was also given to courting, gift-giving, secret rendezvous, and moral and ethical attitudes during marriage.

The Kama Sutra focuses on the lovemaking arts but mentions the other arts because they were a means by which one could make one's self more attractive. Vatsyayana, the Kama Sutra's author, reveals that the cultivation of inner beauty was just as important as outer beauty. Attractiveness comes from a refined and imaginative mind as much as it does from darkened eyes, ruby lips, and a fine figure. Cultivating as many of the arts other than the art of lovemaking was of great importance to society.

Hindu culture, from which the Kama Sutra comes, asserts that the aims of life are four - wealth, moral standing, pleasure, and enlightenment. It is understandable that to be good at sexual pleasure one would need to study the arts of love. It is also easy to understand that to be excellent at your job or in your community you would need to know certain things to be able to be a citizen of honor. Most of us do indeed follow life pursuits or interest that are as varied as the number of people in the world. You may play an instrument, or write poetry, or paint, or sing, or participate in any number of personal interests that fuel your creative side. It is those pursuits that the ancient Sutras believed made us all more expansive individuals.

The Kama Sutra has as much to offer modern couples as it did their counterparts in ancient India. Perhaps the most well known of all love manuals, it was translated from Sanskrit in the middle 1800s by an English adventurer named Sir Richard Burton. When the Kama Sutra appeared in print it shocked Victorian England, and upon Sir Richard's death, his wife burned many of the other books he had translated but not published. Most of them have not been re-translated and many may be lost forever.

Probably the most known and revered portion of the works is the descriptions of erotic sexual positions. Many of the positions from the Kama Sutra are named after animals, as this was a prime way of studying man’s relationship to the natural world. Learning, exploring and practicing with new sexual positions is a wonderful way to up the ante on communication, intimacy, variety, fun and consciousness expansion. When a couple ‘works’ with a new category of positions they tend to have to communicate about what works and doesn’t work for them. And, almost always, some of the new positions you explore will be sort of magical for you. It can’t be described any other way. The positions will feel special and will fit within your coupled-ness as if they were made for the two of you. If you stay open and aware of this phenomena, while you are making love in new ways, you’ll see what a little adventurous activity will do for you as a couple. The more subtle the move within the position the more deepening attraction and connection you’ll have. It’s a feedback loop that gets fascinating to explore.

The Kama Sutra describes different techniques to stimulate the clitoris, such as the ten types of "blows" that can be used to tap the clitoris with the Lingam for stimulation. It details the way in which a man might grasp his Lingam and churn it from side to side in the Yoni of his lover. It outlines the areas in the Yoni to stimulate and has special names for the sides, top, deeper areas, and the entrance. The Kama Sutra exquisitely describes the quivering of the Yoni that precedes orgasm and the shuddering that heralds orgasm. It says that no two women make love alike and that one must be very sensitive to rhythms, sentiments, and moods of the individual woman.

The use of aphrodisiacs and their preparation was common and the Kama Sutra devotes a small chapter to them that includes ways of making oneself attractive to the object of their desire. The Kama Sutra details items, some strange sounding to us, like datura, honey, ground black pepper, a corpse’s winding-sheet, peacock-bone, sulfur, pumpkin seed, bamboo shoots, cactus, monkey turd, and ram’s testicle for use in enslaving, potency, and endurance. Some of these ingredients, like pumpkin seed and datura, are known to the modern world for their potency-enhancing qualities.

Other Eastern Cultures’ Erotic Books

Past cultures honored our sexual life-force and understood that teaching this to the next generation was supremely important. In the past 3,000 years we've seen the development of sex manuals throughout all of the Eastern cultures. These manuals demonstrate the care and mentoring that people knew was vital if the values of that culture were to carry on. A series of "books" or aphorisms appeared in several Eastern cultures after 400 AD. These books included guides for newlyweds on kissing, touching, positions in lovemaking, attitudes, moral obligations, and much more.

The Anana Ranga, written in the sixteenth century in India, details morals, seduction techniques, sexual positions, hygiene, rituals and sexual spells, aphrodisiacs, and other erotic concepts. It paid particular attention to the woman learning to control her pelvic floor muscles to heighten the experience between her lover and herself.

The Perfumed Garden was written in Arabia in the sixteenth century. It details over thirty sizes and shapes of penises and vaginas. Though written primarily for men, it counsels them to ask the woman how to give her pleasure. It speaks highly of the gift of pleasure that God has given to humans and contains stories that teach a variety of lessons to the seeker.

The Ishimpo, from Japan, is similar to its counterparts in India and other parts of Asia in depicting the sex act as the essential force that controls the universe. In fact, it suggests that making love is the force in nature that keeps the Earth circling the Heavens. With ties to Taoism, the concepts have developed over a period of at least 2,500 years though this love manual was put to writing sometime in the 18th century.

Exciting many Chinese couples throughout the ages, The Secrets of the Jade Bed Chamber provides recipes for potency remedies, exotic positions, and counseling on the ways of love. As with many societies that award eroticism a high place in their heritages, the words selected are symbolic. A Jade Stalk meant a man’s penis, while a Jade Garden symbolized the woman’s vagina. Metaphors filled the erotic lives of ancient sexual explorers. Like the Ishimpo, this is a more ‘modern’ version of very ancient precepts.

China, Japan, and most Eastern cultures used "Pillow Books" in addition to teaching manuals. Couples employed pillow books as erotic stimulants and reminders of our vast sexual potential. The books were adorned with beautiful erotic pictures, poetry, writings, and suggestions that couples could use to stir their passions.

In the past few decades, there has been a resurgence of erotic manuals, picture books, illustrated instruction books, and a variety of resources to educate and reconnect people with their sexuality. As these materials become available, more people begin to speak openly about sensuality.

Sexuality: Upping the Ante

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Sexual intimacy is one of the most sought after and the most avoided of all human experiences. Most people want it and are terrified of it at the same time. Lying in bed with your lover, you can be in varying degrees of intimacy. You can talk about the day's events, your problems, or your hopes and fears. This creates bonding at the level of ideas.

Yet, a deeper intimacy can occur when the words stop. If your hearts, emotions, and sexuality open, energy flows between you silently. A new level of communication begins.

Useful Words

The most useful words
Help launch you into
The bliss of no words.

This leap from words into a nonverbal exchange of energy can be terrifying. As you merge with your partner, you can be swept up into waves of "irrational" emotions. Your identity starts to wobble as your ego boundaries disintegrate. The two of you are becoming interdependent. You both have the opportunity learn how to surrender into the blending of "I" into "Us."

Risking the dissolution of your ego is scary but does have its spiritual rewards. The illusion of being separate from the whole vanishes. As 'you' dissolve into divine union with one other human being, you feel vitally connected with all human beings, all creatures, and all of creation.

An important distinction needs to be made here. The beauty of surrender has been famished by people's misinterpretation of the concept known as "codependency." You are codependent only if you 'give to get.' When you give anything to your lover, if you feel diminished, disempowered, or compromised in any way, then you must be looking for something in return. Giving unconditionally leaves you feeling filled rather than depleted, regardless of your lover's response. You are probably forgetting that the source of your Love is within you.

In true surrender, on the other hand, the act of giving arises from an internal place that needs nothing in return. To be capable of surrender, you must first be able to define and set your boundaries. Once this has been mastered, then the next challenge is to let go of your boundaries. This allows you to surrender, not to your lover's ego desires, but to whatever allows the Love between the two of you to prosper. A mature awareness is necessary for you to look beyond your self-imposed limitations and discover something much greater than either you or your partner. As you create this new Being, "Us," your Heart's capacity expands. Embracing the spirit of unselfishly serving "Us" opens you to experiences of limitless Love.

If you take responsibility for your fear of losing your identity as an individual, you also take a quantum leap in your ability to be intimate. To truly merge with another human being means the Death of who you have perceived yourself to be. When you care deeply, you feel your lover's pain as your own. This union is an essential ingredient for Love to flow. Without it, you stay safely untouched in your box of isolation. Ironically, in a healthy relating-ship, the more completely you melt into your partner, the stronger and more independent you become when you are apart, leading your individual life.

You can work with your fear of intimacy. Recognizing the feeling as it occurs is the first step. Then, rather than running away to protect yourself, communicate to your partner that you are scared. Stay "on the same side" and ask your partner to gently hold you without trying to fix you. If you feel the fear without needing to do anything, it eventually evaporates. Soon, the next level of intimacy emerges. Instead of fear running you, you are in relationship to it.

How do you protect yourself from letting your lover more deeply into your Heart and into your sex? The world is full of distractions, such as newspapers, books, television, movies, socializing, and earning more money. If you let go of these external diversions, you can look for the more subtle, internal self-deceptions. You may unconsciously pick a fight the moment before you have an opportunity to spend quality time together. You may get tired and fall asleep. You may escape into hot, lusty sex to safely sidestep a softer, more vulnerable connection.

Talking about a "significant issue" can also be an avoidance of intimacy. You stay at the level of words instead of allowing more profound modes of relating to unfold. If you can find the kind of words that lead both of you out of your heads and into your Hearts, then walls come down. You each feel safe enough to express a Love beyond words.

The Kama Sutra and the Sixty-Four Arts

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There is no Western equivalent of the Kama Sutra, and perhaps for this reason, sex as an art form has yet to mature in the West. Social repression and internalized guilt have prevented Westerners from a frank and joyous exploration of sexuality, today's "liberated attitudes" notwithstanding. Practically all that the Occident offers in this area is pornography, or clinical sex manuals, so filled with anatomical details and "techniques" that they would be sufficient to put a person off sex for life. One result of this repression is inhuman sexual perversion, a subject we will treat in more detail later. The sexual act is rarely tastefully portrayed in Western art or literature. We either reject sex altogether as a subject proper to art or, in lieu of better, accept mediocre treatment of it.

The Orient did not consider sex apart from, or opposed to, spirituality or religion. The sex act was given a place of honor and was intimately connected with the other arts. Men and women alike studied the Kama Sutra and similar texts. In the temples, all variations of sexual postures were openly portrayed and venerated as ideals. In the privacy of the home, the entire range of erotic art and literature was considered a normal and respectable subject of study. The parameters of sexual
behavior in the East extend way beyond the West's narrow spectrum of normalcy, without the least debasement of the sexual function. Celibacy, monogamy, polygamy and polyandry all had a place in Oriental culture. The Sixty-four Arts should be conceived as the Paths of Creative Energy. They are the emanations of the goddess Saraswati, the "anima" of Jungian psychology. They can be likened to the flames of an inner sun, blazing from the solar plexus. Burning up all negativity, these flames of the creative attitude purify the psyche and bring about an inner transformation. As practical skills of the outer world, they delight others and fulfill the talented practitioner.

The Kama Sutra, the classical Indian treatise on the Art of Love, enumerates the Sixty-four Arts. The text advises that these should be studied along with the Kama Sutra, preferably under the guidance of a teacher. These arts and sciences (for no distinction between them was then made) include singing, music, dancing, writing, drawing, painting, sewing, reading, recitation, poetry, sculpture, gymnastics, games, flower arranging, cooking, decoration, perfumery, gardening, mimicry, mental exercises, languages, etiquette, carpentry, magic, chemistry, mineralogy, gambling, architecture, logic, charm-making, religious rites, household management, disguise, physical sports, and martial arts plus many specialized activities related to the culture and time. The accomplishments expected of young women in Victorian times echoed this idea. To update this, the arts related to more recent technical innovations, such as photography, could be added.

The Indian treatises on love suggest that both men and women should be well versed in as many of the Sixty-four Arts as possible. Two arguments as to why these arts should be studied are presented in the texts. First, a person who is accomplished in them is automatically given an honorable place in society. Second, through the application of these arts one can more easily win over the object of desire, be it husband, wife or lover, and provide more fulfillment. Easily be self supporting by the application of these skills. Even a bare knowledge of these arts adds to the charm and interest of a person. In the West today, over-specialization is a problem, which tends to inhibit the minds capacity to intuitively express the many facets of knowledge. Yet the Art of Love relies on the other arts for its support. Without these modes of expression our existence would be boring and restrictive. Humanity depends upon these arts as a means of communication and self-expression.

The Best Sex Positions for Female Orgasms

2009-09-05T17:15:00.001-07:00

Surveys and sexuality reports tell us that roughly only 20% of sexually active women have orgasms during intercourse. Assumptions will need to be made about that number because we don’t know if that includes manual stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse or not and several other issues that might skew the statistics. Let’s work with that number, however.

Orgasms are important to women no matter how convincing the idea of being in the pleasure without being goal oriented. Some of the time you can do this and some of the time you want an orgasm, pure and simple. Cultural constraints, modern media, lovers and friends can all influence how you might feel about your body, emotions and your ability to orgasm. You want what she’s having and you want it now.

If that’s the case with you then you’re going to have to know a whole lot more about your body and how it works in order to journey to the fertile fields of G-spot and vaginal orgasms. The positions come after you have the knowledge of your interior topography down and know your hot-spots from your not-spots. Self-pleasuring is the necessary evil! Set aside the time to spend with yourself soon. An hour three days a week should do it.

So here is a quickie lesson. You can find more out at Tantra.com, too. Most women’s clitorises don’t come near to getting the attention that is needed to stimulate that part of the anatomy during intercourse. If any position is going to do this then it is the C.A.T. (Coital Alignment Technique) position (this is a modified Missionary position where the man is on top and he has shifted his body up a bit towards his partner’s head so that his pubic bone rubs on her clitoris in an up and down (head to toe) motion. The other is the Woman on Top where the woman is leaning down, not sitting up, and she is doing the same motions as the man does in the C.A.T. position. That is, she is moving in a head to toe, up and down rubbing motion so that her clitoris is getting stimulated. Both of these positions do not, however, involve much G-spot or deeper A-spot (a spot above the cervix, deeper in the vagina, A is for Anterior Fornex) stimulation.

The first step, in discovering your vaginal, or yoni, hot spots, is to find your G-spot and begin to arouse, investigate and find orgasms through manual or digital (finger, G-spot wand or vibrator) stimulation. You can stimulate your clitoris first as it’s important to be very turned on when investigating your G-spot. Both are very connected with one on the inside and one on the outside, kind of back-to-back. They share nerves, blood flow and vibrational energy with each other! While I personally don’t feel that G-spots like much vibration yours may be different, but I wouldn’t start with a vibrator, I’d start with fingers (yours or a partner’s) or a Lucite wand. I have an earlier blog about the analogy of the upper palate in the mouth and the G-spot location so read it if you want to here. It may help.

Ok, let’s assume you’ll find it and have a good experience with noticing the pleasure, though maybe not an orgasm, in your early sexploration. You can up-the-ante by starting to strengthen your PC muscles by doing Kegel exercises. These will help tremendously; stronger orgasms, healthier pelvic floor, more orgasms, better (no much more) awareness of your body, great sex tricks by you for your lover and a bunch more reasons if you need them. The last and best thing about strong PC muscles is that when you move into more Tantric practices you will be able to move the sexual energy up, throughout your body more easily and effectively. That’s when it all gets really juicy!

So the stage is set for take-off. Next, you’ll discover a set of positions that you can try, modify, and try again to get the best out of them. I'll give you clues and tips for having the best intercourse sex ever.

The famous anthropologist Desmond Morris wrote: “A group of 27 couples were asked to vary their sexual positions experimentally, employing postures that would allow greater stimulation of the two vaginal 'hot spots', and it was found that three-quarters of the females involved were then able to achieve regular vaginal orgasms.” In other words, it has been confirmed that becoming more uninhibited and less self-conscious is an important ingredient in freeing orgasms and in producing multiple orgasms in women. Sexual liberation can translate to sexual ecstasy when a sense of freedom and playfulness is brought to lovemaking. Experimenting with even the most subtle of movements, or shifts of a single position, can make a huge difference in getting the right kind of stimulation.

Let’s look at the position from the Kama Sutra called the Splitting of the Bamboo. In this position the woman lies down on her back and the man straddles her as in the Missionary Position. She then raises one of her legs and places it on her lover’s shoulder. Her other leg stretches out to the couples side or she can bring it up closer to her body by bending it at the knee. After a brief time the legs are switched and then switched again creating a back and forth motion that can sweep the head of the lingam across the G-spot in a windshield wiper like fashion.

In this position the woman may discover that one side works far better for her than the other. If the couple decides to stay in that position for a while she can begin to move her buttocks and legs in small, specific ways to increase the friction and pleasure. She can lift her buttocks, shift it to one side slightly, have her lover put a small pillow under her on one side or the other, slide her leg up further on his shoulder – I think you get the picture. There are a million subtle shifts that can occur that will make a significant difference in the results!

None of this is possible, though, unless the woman knows her hot-spots intimately, which is why she must self-pleasure and discover them. Oh, and it takes a lover who is willing to explore and have fun trying new things. Rear Entry Positions are next

Sometimes it takes becoming more uninhibited to try Rear-Entry Positions. If either partner is self-conscious of their body then that is the first thing to let go of so that both can enjoy this fabulous category of positions. There isn’t a person alive who thinks they have a perfect body. Gals, most men love looking at jiggling breasts and round buttocks. They aren’t going to be critical if they know you are enjoying every minute of the pleasure the two of you are creating so go for an edge and let go into the experience and the pleasure.

If you haven’t discovered how to find your G-spot yet then that’s a good place to start to amplify the sexual ecstasy from Rear-Entry Positions. There are some good articles on Tantra.com for this. It’s best to explore your G-spot with fingers and dildos before expecting to have orgasms via intercourse. It’s a fast path to G-spot orgasms, once you’ve had a taste of orgasmic sensations with a little sex play, so hang in there. These explorations may also lead to multiple orgasms in women, or men, and possibly female ejaculation.

Without a doubt this is one of the best position groups there is. Your ‘animal’ nature can really let loose! Rear-Entry Positions aren’t always the most appropriate, though. The moment must be right. This is because it’s often more appropriate to be facing each other. Eye contact, breath connection, heart chakra connection and deepened intimacy are all facilitated through facing your partner.

Rear-entry positions enhance G-spot stimulation. In addition, they leave the man’s hands free to touch and stimulate the secondary erogenous zones along the back and buttocks and the breasts and chest, much like the tiger that uses his paws and teeth. Variety is easy to come by in this position. You can adjust the angle of penetration, the ways you move about and the depth of penetration in the basic position. This allows the woman to tailor-make the experience for herself while having a lot of room to increase the pleasure for her partner. It also enables the woman or the man to stimulate her clitoris.

Try this position first up on your knees, instead of having the woman flat, on her stomach. It’s best for her to support herself with both her hands so that she can keep her spine moving and undulating. Make a study of how it feels as this is a base to explore from. Use the different ‘modalities’ of rhythms and depths of penetration. Try pumping and squeezing your PC muscles in this position.

Now, try sitting down on your thighs. What has changed? Take notice. What works for you in this variation when you apply the different ‘modalities’ of movement to the position? Lean forward and lie your head down. This is a good position to stimulate your partner’s inner thighs. You can also help him stay focused on non-ejaculatory pleasure by applying pressure to his perineum (the external area between the anus and the scrotum that covers his Prostate Gland or P-spot). This will help him from going over the top, so to speak.

Keep these exercises soft, fun and explorative. Take your time and enjoy every delicious moment. You are becoming an artist – enjoy it!

The Teachings of the Kama Sutra

2009-09-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

Men and women have a different mental approach to sex. A woman's self-image and feelings about her partner greatly affect how easily she gets amused. Couples are most highly sexually charged early on in a relationship. Romance and emotional, rapport play a major part in a woman's sexual feelings, in fact, love can be the strongest aphrodisiac of all and may keep her libido strong for as tong as she feels good about the relationship and is enjoying regular, loving sex. For men, however, having a new partner - and a new body to explore - is the main stimulus. The way his new lover looks and feels, how she dresses, her unique scent [natural, rather than bottled] and her voice are powerful stimulants. To continue to be aroused by a partner, a man may need variety in lovemaking, such as change of positions, sexy clothing or sex toys [see pages41, 109-10]. Plenty of ideas for spicing up sex can be found throughout the book.

In women, sexual, arousal varies according to the time of the day or day of the month. Women may find their libido strongest around the mid-point in their menstrual cycle, at the time of ovulation, or just before or after menstruation. Other factors that affect a couple’s desire for lovemaking include age, illness, overwork, stress and emotional difficulties, such as trying for a baby. Many of these problems can be overcome through communication, simply by talking over the issues and perhaps by adapting lovemaking. For example, a sensual massage {see pages/46-9] can ease tension and

stress, and prepare partners for lovemaking. Side-by-side positions [see pages 84-5] are less strenuous and encourage tender, loving, more emotionally enriching sex. The woman-on-top position [see pages 82-3] adds spice to a sexual relationship, and shares the physical demands of lovemaking. The psychologist David Reed identified four psychological, stages of sexual response: seduction, sensation, surrender and reflection. These form a kind of erotic mental pathway. 'Seduction' is the sexual attraction that triggers arousal. 'Sensation' is the stage at which the senses - sight, sound, smell, touch and taste - are stimulated during arousal, bombarding the brain with sexual, signals. "Surrender" is mental and emotional, release, allowing climax to occur. In the postorgasm 'reflection' stage, couples evaluate the lovemaking that took place, mentally awarding positive marks, which help strengthen the relationship, or negative marks, which may weaken it. Emotions such as stress, fear or anger block this pathway. Just before climaxing, men enter a stage of 'ejaculatory inevitability' when orgasm cannot be prevented. But a woman can be distracted by a sound, word or thought right up to the moment of climax and may then Iose interest in lovemaking.